Cold Mountain

Tonight I almost got into a fight. A fist-fight. With a middle-aged, gray-haired man. Well it seemed like it at the time at least.

What? Oh right. Sorry, I have a bit of an adrenaline rush going. I just came from seeing Cold Mountain with my husband. It’s a beautiful epic film with great acting, gorgeous cinematography, and a moving story. (It also doesn’t hurt that Jude Law happens to be a hottie.) I had been forewarned to bring my tissues.

Off to Loews. We were happy to find that the flick was not sold out and found great seats about 40 minutes before the beginning of the show. Dave has a knack for finding “the sweet spot.” We settled in and watched the same trivia/advertisements on screen that have been there for four months and listened to the Christmas carols. I thought for a moment to remind myself that it is, in fact, February.

There were a few people scattered about the theater, and people steadily streamed in. One group of three people was sitting in the row in front of us, one seat to the right of me. They’d been there since we arrived.

It’s now about 7 minutes before the beginning of the film. I know because I am checking my watch as another group of four has made their entrance known. I’m checking because I’m hoping the trailers will come on and the lights will go down so that this group will simmer down (now).

One woman, apparently the *spokesperson* for the group, asks the threesome in front of us if they’ll move down. The woman in the middle of the group explains that the seat on the end is broken. The spokeswoman announces to the group (read: the entire theater) that the woman on the end (who didn’t even say anything) doesn’t want to give us her seat. Did I mention that those people were here ahead of time by at least 45 minutes? Maybe this woman likes her seat and has the right to not move. Besides there are still two rows of completely empty seats in the front of the theatre. Now I know the front isn’t the best, but the people who come in seven minutes before the show have to pay this price in my opinion.

Eventually the foursome splits. Mouthy is right in front of Dave and her husband plops down in front of me. I’m sure he is glaring at me, but the lights are dimming, so I pass it off as my over-active imagination.

The movie begins, and this couple in front of us continues to be loud through out the entire movie. You would think that this is their own personal big screen and that none of the rest of us was even present. She is constantly making annoying comments much to everyone’s frustration. We grit our teeth, tune them out and continue to be sucked in by the film.

Finally a climactic part of the end of the film begins. The movie has grown quiet, but mouthy and her hubby start chatting. Dave leans forward and politely says, “Could you folks keep in down please,” in a quiet, non-aggressive and polite way. (I know that sounds sarcastic, but it’s true! He was very non-confrontational about it.)

They shut up. (Thank goodness!) The ending progressed. Crying ensued. Ahhh. And to black. The Lovely Couple In Front of Us get up. The woman turns around and glares at Dave and me. I don’t know how she managed to glare directly at both of us at the same time, but I didn’t break eye contact while I pulled out a tissue and blew my nose. (I mentioned the crying, yes?)

She looks at Dave as he gets up. She says, “Did you enjoy the movie.” He replies, “Yes. Did you?” Only to be interrupted by her saying, “Don’t you ever tell us what to do.” (um what?) Her husband stands up to face us as well. “We paid our money and we are entitled to enjoy the movie,” she continues hostilely. The husband looks directly at Dave rubbing his palms together and says, “F*** off.” (excuse me?)

It was at this point that I stood up to face the man, who was still looking at Dave. It is fascinating to reflect on the reaction that occurred within me. There was no way that I could have taken this guy. Nor would it have ever come to that. (A giant guy to Dave’s left totally would have backed him up before I ever could have gotten involved we found out later.) But so help me – do not threaten my husband. You’ll have to go through me first. (Would you really hit a girl?) That was my instinct.

Dave, however, handled the situation so much better than this man and woman of at least twice his age. He would not get lured into this man’s antagonizing. This man was looking for a fight, and Dave wasn’t going to go there willingly. He told them to enjoy their night and tried to end the conversation/confrontation politely, if not with a little sarcasm. The man in front of me must have noticed at this point that not only had I stood up at this point, but so had the man to Dave’s left. The couple walked out, but don’t think we didn’t walk out of the theater looking over our shoulders.

A pair of women behind us had seen the whole thing. They were shocked at the situation, but it was nice to be able to laugh off the situation with them. Even though I was quite upset at the scene, and it got my blood pumping, that feeling quickly receded to pity. How sad is this couple’s life that they have to try to pick a fight with people because of their own rudeness? We weren’t the only ones they were disturbing; other people had leaned over to ask them to be quiet, but Dave beat them to the punch. All and all, now that I am safely home in bed, bruises and punching of all kinds averted, I am left only thinking that these two are quite pathetic. They will no doubt go on to tell the story much differently than this (I suspect it starts out with something like, “You’ll never believe what this punk kid at the movies said to us…”), and I feel sorry for them. I also feel quite lucky to be married to a brave and smart man who I love very much.

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p>Go see Cold Mountain. It’s great. Or maybe wait to rent it – it might be safer that way.